stepping up

Alright, so many changes have happened this contract year.  I have a new apartment (it is niiiiiiiiiiccccccccccceeeeeeeee)!!! But I also have a crazy new schedule (it is painful)!!!  Thankfully my apartment is right next to my work so there is no exhausting commute.  And thankfully my schedule is getting better.  So, I have my usual three morning kindergarten classes back to back with no break.  Then, lunch with the kindies, and on Mondays/Wednesdays one afternoon class with them and then my first break.  On Tuesdays/Thursdays, I have two afternoon classes with the kindies and no break.  I go straight into my elementary early afternoon classes.  In the beginning, I had all three classes during that time, but thankfully two of my classes were combined so now I have a break during one class time.  On Tuesdays/Thursdays, I finish early at 4:15 but on Monday/Wednesdays/Fridays, I have an extra class, and I finish at 6:35.  Originally, the schedule was so exhausting that I could barely do anything after work.  Now, it's better, but my ability to do things and comprehend things is really low.  It has made exercising nearly impossible.  I tried to get back into jiu jitsu, but the truth is I don't want to do it right now for several reasons.  First, it's dangerous for me to do it when I'm not completely focused and aware.  Most of the time, I'm fighting people a lot stronger than me so I have to pay attention to both of us so that I don't get hurt.  Case in point, my third black eye.  The guys (especially the beginners) do not like it when they think I'm beating them.  Therefore, they get very aggressive.  Not a big deal normally, but when I'm exhausted already, I don't have the energy to maintain a safe fight.  Second, I can never spar to show my techniques or even practice what I know because I'm not supposed to win against the guys.  Initially, I started practicing jiu jitsu for exercise.  I stopped getting exercise when I started winning because no one would spar me; now, I can spar people but only if I don't use any skill or strength and therefore I'm not getting exercise either.  I don't have the time or energy to do something that I won't receive any benefits from.  I'm not learning anything new.  I help other people, and they become better than me because they are stronger, but also other people help them too, but no one helps me.  It's incredibly stupid.  I have seriously taught three people who now have blue belts to do armbar, triangle, guard pass, and kumera.  Maybe I'm being selfish or too sensitive, but I'm a bit frustrated.  I teach all day long.  I come to the gym to exercise and work off the stress from teaching.  I don't want to teach any more.  Plus, when I have to take the time out to teach I don't get exercise and I'm not even receiving any benefit from it at all!!!!  I'm still a white belt while everyone else has gotten their blue.  I've trained longer, trained every day and worked harder for it, but it doesn't seem to matter.  If I was super thin and didn't need exercise or even if I wasn't completely stressed out, I wouldn't mind taking that extra time.  But the truth is I'm a snowman living in a world of stick people and I'm sick of it.  So, to avoid having to take time out of my workout schedule.  I've started to skip jiu jitsu and run longer and then I go to diet boxing.  I want to start up my own exercise routine between running and diet boxing, but we'll see how the energy level goes. Right now, diet boxing is extremely difficult for me because it's only in Korean and it's difficult to watch the hands and feet at the same time.  My Korean is getting better, but the gym is so noisy sometimes that I can't understand anything and again I get frustrated.  For example, the other day Pyeong-Ha was teaching a difficult combination and I was trying to listen, but this kid (who for a whole hour sat on the couch playing games on his cell phone) decided that was the moment he wanted to start working on the punching bag.  It was all I could do to contain myself from yelling at him.  Seriously, that's the moment you decide to work out?  I really feel like sometimes its not a gym, but a daycare center.  Anyways, all I heard was blah, blah...pow pow...ka ching...pow pow.  And then Pyeong-Ha looks at me and says "ok?"  Tears were forming in my eyes I said, "no, one more time.please."  Then, Pyeong-Ha and I both yelled at the kid to stop for a minute.  Ugh.  So annoying.  I seriously like this gym.  I like the workout I get from diet boxing, and I like learning it.  It sucks that I'm a little slow at understanding it sometimes, but  that's how things go sometimes.  I really wish the gym would go back to how it was before all of the kids came.  I love kids don't get me wrong, but I just spent all day with kids that don't want to learn now its my turn to learn and the kids still don't want to learn and it's distracting!  Anyways, to try and step up my game a bit more; I signed up for a weekend dance class.  It's way more expensive than the fighting gym and its only two days a week! But, I'm going to try it and see how it is.  If I like it, I'll do both.  I've already noticed a difference with skipping jiu jitsu and going for a longer run.  So, I'm hoping that it will keep up.

Anyways, onto my personal life.  I've been hanging out with more of my Korean friends lately, and I've met some new people.  I've started going to church again.  The only thing is this church is all in Korean so it's difficult for me to understand.  However, I feel more comfortable there.  The thing is English services in Korea (in my experience) are often filled with people who are at the English service to learn English and not study the Bible.  It's a bit disheartening to me and it makes me feel uncomfortable.  It is more comfortable for me to attend a service in Korean knowing everyone's heart is focused on the service and not on something else.  Plus, the people there are very welcoming.  Many even speak English well.  As I mentioned before, I've been meeting a lot of new people lately.  It's fun and exciting, but as we grow closer sometimes I feel like the only reason they want to hang out with me is to learn English.  Honestly, I don't mind because its fun, but at the same time, usually that means that they are going to eventually get tired of English and go away.  I wish they would tell me in the beginning that way it hurts less when they leave.  

Wow, I know this post seems a bit depressing, but I'm ok really!!!!  I like the challenges of living in a foreign country.  My life here is never boring.  For example, the other day I walked into the gym and found a dead, dried out fish lying on the floor staring at me.  Naturally, I was disgusted and asked what it was doing there. Jung Su just told me one of the guys knocked it loose while sparring.  I was like, "yeah, but what is it doing here?"  Apparently, in Korea, some people believe that if you put a fish in your new business it will be profitable.  Whatever works right? lol.  But seriously, I can't unsee the fish.  It's always staring at me while I'm working out now. lol.  Anyways, now that my schedule has kind of sorted itself out for now; hopefully things will get better and less stressful.*^^*